#sometimes u just have to live with the damage you caused to yourself. sometimes you get yourself almost sacrificed by the cult u

[introspectivememories]

bear wears this every chance he gets and tim fucking hates it (but his cults anonymous group loves it so ha! suck on that timothy)

[crescenthistory]

Ask: hi, could you write something about barty with the prompt c5. ("there will not be a day where i am not there for you") like he receives a letter from his dad and u can tell something is off ab him and comfort him ? thank youu

Words: 1.4k

Warnings/tags: gn!reader, implied mental health struggles on barty's front, barty isolating himself, hurt/comfort, romanian!barty, general fluff and unconditional love

Note: this request is super old, i'm terribly sorry lmao, but better late than never? barty deserves all the love<33

You had not seen Barty in 5 hours.

Considering that the boy usually seemed to be attached to you by some invisible 5 metres rope, you were growing increasingly concerned. Your poor cheeks were being gnawed off at record speed, and you knew he would chide you for “maiming his lover” later, but you had other priorities at the moment.

Between your last two lessons, he had slipped off down some hallway and never returned. You paid it little mind to begin with, Barty often ran off on spontaneous, perhaps reckless adventures. It was in the whole school’s best interest to just let him, saving all your questions for when he comes back, demanding stories of his grand escapades – because he always came back to your side quickly. 

When he didn’t show up for dinner, your worry thus began to settle despite your trying to fight it. Sometimes he did skip dinner for an array of different reasons, but he always notified you. Throughout the meal your thoughts wandered off, all yearning for him, but you knew how much he would scold you if he found out you skipped dinner for him.

You would hold it against him, if he was not the first person to admit he was being a hypocrite.

You clung onto hope that you would find him in his common room or his dorm afterwards. When you opened the door to his dorm only to be met with their shared snake, Nova, as the only living being in the room, you finally allowed yourself to give in and accept defeat.

Barty was missing and you were worried.

Behind you, the tell-tale sounds of Regulus’ dance-like steps alerted you to his incoming presence. “Reg,” you said, poking your head out to catch his attention. “Barty hasn’t told you where he’s off to?”

Regulus gave you a bit of an odd look as he passed you in the doorway. “Does he ever?”

You gave him a look that hopefully said yeah, that’s fair before you straightened up once more. “Will you tell me if you see him?”

“If I see him, he’ll be here.” Regulus was clearly not in one of his more chatty moods. This time you gave him a look you knew said play nice. He sighed. “I’ll let you know, yeah. I’ll ask Evan too, when he gets here.”

You gave him a rueful smile. “Thank you Reggie, this is why you’re my favourite.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled as he laid down on his bed to read. You had enough wits about you to close the door before you left, not wanting a stinging curse to be thrown after you down the hallway and doubly not wanting Barty to get revenge on Regulus for doing so. He always found out somehow.

This was not Barty’s first time disappearing, nor did you suspect it would be his last. You usually had a list of reasons why he might run off and places to look for him if he did.

Had he been in a particularly jittery or theatrical mood, you would have been worse off, as he quite literally could be anywhere where he might cause the most damage and drama. Usually you would begin in Gryffindor or the Care for Magical Creatures classroom, but thankfully you did not have to resort to those measures.

Because Barty had been in a very distinctive restrained mood that only you and a select few of his friends ever seemed to be able to decipher. When you first met him, you thought that mood meant he was annoyed somehow – now you knew that when Barty was truly irritated, he grinned like a maniac. 

This almost stoicness meant only one thing; Barty was feeling vulnerable. Maybe even defeated.

Which quickly limited his hiding spots to places where he could grasp at some privacy without feeling trapped. Considering that the last time he tried to hide away in the prefect’s bathroom, he got caught by none other than James Potter, the poor sod, you narrowed your best bet down to the Astronomy Tower.

Led by a gut instinct and a mouthful of compassion, you scurried up the hundreds of steps needed, hoping to find him and not accidentally stumble in on some awkward attempt at a date between some fourth years.

When you tried to turn the handle to the Astronomy Tower’s door only to find it to be magically locked, you knew you were right in your judgement.

“Barty? Are you in there, love, it’s me?” you called through the door, aiming at making your voice as steady as possible. He hated being treated like he was fragile, at least before he was curled up in your arms.

The faint buzzing sound in your ears alerted you to the fact that he had thrown a muffliato over the room, meaning you wouldn’t hear him if he replied. He could still hear you, though, so you tried your luck further.

“It’s alright, B. I’m here.” You hoped to Merlin he could hear the love and reassurance dripping from your words.

The whirring sound was interrupted by a faint click as the lock was opened. Taking extra precautions, you looked behind you to ensure you would be alone and slipped in through the door, locking it behind you once more without looking.

Fresh air filled your lungs the second you stepped into the tower – one of the reasons why it was such a great place to escape to when feeling anxious or down or both. Your heart was similarly filled when you saw Barty sitting in a large windowsill with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring out with an empty gaze.

“Hi there, lovely,” you said rather cheerily, making your relaxed state penetrate the atmosphere of doom that followed Barty on these days.

You walked over and went to lift yourself up into the windowsill, only for Barty to break free of his trance for a moment to take your hand and elbow and help you navigate carefully until you were seated across from him, legs entangling with his own. He let out a breath. “Hi, Dragă.”

You smiled carefully at him, settling into your place and letting the cold from the window seep in through your clothes without a bother. You leaned forward so your body was bent in half to rest your chin on his propped up knees, giving you a perfectly clear vision of his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t want you to have to talk about it.”

Barty always did that when something was wrong – denying you of any responsibility or option to help, assuming it was below you to do so. After a few years attached at the hip, he had learned he could not make you “realise you should leave his arse”, but he would still aim to shield you from himself on these days.

Other days, he would do anything to make you not realise, desperate to claw you to himself. A boy that contained multitudes, each one equally lovable in your opinion, to which he called you horribly insane. 

“At least we’ve got that in common, babe.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” you reassured quietly, chin moving against his kneecaps. “I really do want to, though. Be there for you, I mean.”

His gaze met yours, softening at the authenticity and affection surely plastered all over your face. He brought a previously dead hand up from beside him to stroke his knuckles over your left cheek, moving them backwards into your hair. “You always are, aren’t you?”

You let your smile widen at him embracing your care. “There will not be a day where I am not here for you, B. Whether you want me to or not.”

His eyes flickered with a vulnerability only you ever saw. The next thing he said was so meek that you almost didn’t catch it, but flowers bloomed in your stomach when you did. “I want you to.”

You reached your own hand up to catch his in your hair and brought the inside of his wrist towards your mouth to press slow, gentle kisses to it. “I’m glad, lovely. Now spill.”

[sevikasslut4life]

All I Wanted Was You

Lucifer Morningstar X fem reader

song to listen to while reading:

warning: death, mentions of bl00d, angst, mentions of insecurity and self hate, reader being a people pleaser.

A/N: This is lowkey a self reflection but ignore that 😭 if you feel anyway similar like this fic, pls know that u can vent 2 me <3, also I forgot abt the poll I made😭, Hope u enjoy!!

It was 2am and you had just gotten into a argument with one of your friends about how your too selfless and a "people pleaser". Currently, you're trying to desperately call Lucifer to come and pick you up as you sob in the pouring rain in Hell. Lucifer finally answers.

"Sweetie? What's wrong, my dear?" Lucifer says nervously as he hears you sob on the phone. "Please just come pick me up.. I'll explain later.. Just please.." You say in tears as he immediately hangs up and rushes to pick you up. As soon as he finds you, he rushes to you and flies you home. When you guys arrive home. He sets you down to talk. "Sweetie, what happened? Please, I'm not forcing you to tell me, only if you want to, my dear.." Lucifer mumbles as he holds you in his arms, like you were the most precious and delicate person in all of heaven and hell. You didn't wanna tell him cause you knew he would be disappointed and sad, and you hated to see anyone feeling that way. You always let people vent or talk to you, letting their feelings out. If anyone wanted to be mean, you'd let them be mean to you, you could take it. You could take all the judgement and pain that they give you and not care. You were stronger than people gave you credit for. That's what everyone thought. You finally opened your mouth and started to talk to Lucifer.

"Sometimes I just feel like.. My whole life is about making the people I love happy and not about me.. Like I couldn't care less about myself, just what others think of me.. Always trying to change myself for society to like me, but they never do.." You say with tears and your voice breaking, shattering into pieces. Lucifer looked into your eyes and immediately his heart sank, not a feeling of disappointment or dissatisfaction in his mind. Only shocked. He would do anything for you, his darling, his sweetheart. And the way he didn't know about this made him feel terrible. Shockingly, he wasn't angry when he spoke. "My dove, please don't ever think that way.. You don't have to please anyone or make anyone happy, don't break bones or damage yourself for a few compliments or smiles from people." Lucifer says as he gently hugged you and let you cry it out in his arms. "Really..?" You mumbled as he caressed your lovely hair and admired your true, non fake self.

"Yes.. I will love you no matter what, angel or sinner, in heaven or hell, dead or living, angel or god. I would rip every crevice of earth, Venus, Saturn, even hell for you. I love you more than any species ever created." Lucifer says proudly and gently, cupping your cheeks as he kissed and wiped away your tears. He held you in his arms as you two slept peaceful st night.

Days later, you would find yourself surrounded by angels, Lucifer standing by your side. He was fighting an angel until he suddenly saw you stabbed right in your filled with love heart. He ran towards you as you dropped to the ground, a loud thud as the demons glanced from afar as they fought. You placed his hand on your chest to feel your heartbeat go from speeding to slowing down. His face dropped and felt every bone in his body tense up. Tears ran down his face as you slowly opened your lips. "Just lean on my arms and break my heart.. Maybe in another universe, I can make every one satisfied.." You whispered as you took your final breath and your eyes shut.

"You already did.. In every universe, I love you and will be in every single universe with you.." Lucifer whispered to you as his tears flooded on your bloody body, holding you close like he always did.

[kawaiixchaotic]

rant/stream of consciousness incoming, dont say i didnt warn u.

i don't know what's normal and what isn't, when it comes to how people are supposed to treat me. i tolerate many things because i just don't know when I'm being taken advantage of. Or even if I feel wronged, I say nothing or hardly make a fuss. Because it's tiring to cause "drama" or put up a fight. So I'd rather just stay silent and avoid the person. But this behavior is not serving me. I tell myself I'm protecting my peace, but am I really when I'm just letting disrespect slide? I'm starting to realize that I've been conflating "protect your peace" with "be non-confrontational."

I'm also starting to realize how damaging it truly is to grow up in a home where you are openly told "you don't need privacy." Where you're treated less like a child and more like a pet (you depend on me, i give you food & shelter, so in return be cute & obedient) so any open displays of autonomy, self-expression, or self-reliance are heavily discouraged (I don't want to think about the fact that you're your own person & not an extension of me). You're only supposed to have enough independence to benefit the parent, but never too much, or you'll escape their control. As soon as you hit the double digits, you are given the responsibilities of an adult and treated like a child (i don't know how to parent, so act submissively as you perform this authoritative role to make my life easier while also making me feel powerful). Any child would feel uncomfortable, emotionally neglected, and less-than if their parents got into the habit of treating them like a worker bee, and would naturally protest; not only against the physical & emotional labor being pushed on them, but also the generally constrictive environment they live in, especially when they see their peers growing and blossoming while they stay in the same place. These protests will, of course, be cruelly squashed. You are ungrateful & arrogant and it's about time you humble yourself, it's about time you remember who i am to you, i am not just anyone and i am not, will never be your friend, i am your parent (authority). it's a precarious balance of building the child up just enough to be useful, and then beating them down again when they start to realize their worth and potential.

i grew up in a home where saying "you made me feel this way & i didn't like it" was insubordination. i grew up in a home where i would be punished for setting a boundary. (sometimes physically punished, but i never know if i can say "i have abusive parents," because they rarely hit me, but they would often make me feel like shit, and the threat of violence was always, always there, and i cant tell u how paralyzing it is to live under that)

No matter what I go through I always bounce back. This is not because I am strong. This is because I am malleable, and that's how I was raised to be. So of course, I allow people to stretch me to my limit. Of course, I do not know how to harden my defenses. Of course.

[thenextchapterbegins]

Dark earths zodiac

The Bat

Creature of the halflight, you fly along the line of the brink, the almost-- the bat zodiac embodies the inbetween. They are often considered strange by their peers, but in the right setting their feeling of discomfort fades and they become a unique voice. Those under the sign of the bat tend towards anxiety, longing to live unwitnessed-- the bat is most comfortable in the dark, but not alone; this sign craves to exist without judgement. They tend to become lost in their thoughts, their own worlds, to the extent that they can forget to engage with the world around them. But those who love the bat know that they will always return. For all their shadows, the bat actively seeks to be compassionate. Having themselves felt both the harsh sear of the sun and the lonely chill of the moon, they find themselves able to sympathize with almost anyone.

And so you push through the hanging vines and into the sun. It is strange and open without the undergrowth, quiet without the birds. Will you say something to the forest before you go? Will you leave it one last secret? One last love? Or has it taken enough? The trees are silent.

one last secret

"When giaia was defeated. When the earth was put whole, it took weeks to discover all the damage caused. cities and nations erased...millions upon millions dead...all the while i quipped, i joked. it was just another adventure. Another puzzle...fight the bad guys win the day. Their is still rebuilding, when i walked the streets, when i saw parents cry in graves, when i saw children mourn their parents all who were taken too soon. “

“I saw the memorials..everyday is just another day of putting back the pieces....but you can still see it when i look at them, they look at me. Their is a horror in our eyes and a profound sadness....we survived something so terrible...i knew. After that, i had to change. I couldnt just let things happen, i couldnt just joke..sometimes people need to be stopped, they need to be laid to the ground and made sure something like that never happens again. That the fear and weight of their consequences is put to them, if they cant be made to see reason..then you must strike so hard they can never stand again. Some would say i've grown jaded...turned my back on the princples i have laid out always. “

“ I say that they would let something like this happen again just to hold onto fragile morals..morals mean nothing if millions have to die for them to be held...i was wrong, and strangely..my rival  who i had seen as brutal, cruel..maybe sometimes a villain. That they were right...sometimes force, sometimes...revenge is the right path...and honestly now they might be able to guide me on who to...strike hard when needed but still restrain yourself from falling darker down a hole...because its hard now.”

“ Hard to just give up. To make sure nothing like this could ever happen again. To let the darkness fuel to put the fear of god in anyone that could claim to want to destroy or hold the earth in their grip. But i also know, i know now that if i did that. I would become like them...the only thing i truly fear though.”

 “Is losing my friends, i still smile, i still quip to them..but im not like that really anymore, it feels like lying in a way...or maybe im just using it to act normal, to feel like i used to feel. I dont know...its so complicated now."

{ mun note, using sonic unleashed as a backdrop to my lore has been very fun because whilst the game is VERY SILLY if u take it with a serious lens it honestly becomes a horror game in a way and i think taking seriously could fundemtnally change sonic and thats what i’ve done.}

[theloveinc]

sukuna ryomen x reader - part of this!au , the king of curses watches you get ready for a lunch date with friends.

(warning: this is a piece about body image, which mentions reader having insecurities about trying on clothing and gaining weight. that being said, this isn't so much an angst fic as it is about a relationship dynamic. fem reader who is called a woman/girl, adult themes, etc. 1.3k words!)

thank u to @notvil + @saetyrn9 for sukuna pet names! <3

Most of the time, the King of Curses, Sukuna Ryomen, looks like a man. Thick set yet lean, baby-soft skin tattooed in deep, chocolate browns, and pink hair the color of April’s most delicate of cherry blossom petals, he fits into an entirely new category of handsome; one that would make your mother cry to see you standing against, but one that’d have anyone leaving another man at the altar for.

Some of the time, however, he looks like a monster.

Large and autocratic, he takes up space in your home the way a centerpiece of freshly slain taxidermy would, almost wooden, looming, like that of a thousand-year-old tree with roots more ancient than a Japanese cedar and a trunk just as strong.

Though normally, this form disturbs you enough to keep you from straying too far from his usual behests (most often, pulling out your bare breasts to present to him or finger feeding him food off of your plate, despite how many times he’s told you he needs no sustenance of the kind), not even all four of his arms or all four of his eyes can tear yours away from the mirror in front of you and the sides of your hips it presents as rather… and surprisingly…voluptuous.

Really, you can only hope it’s the water damage behind the old silver that’s causing your belly to appear slightly more distended than the last time you remember inspecting yourself to such an intense degree, and not the fact it’s been a few years since you stopped consistently working on your feet.

(You still sometimes pick up night shifts at the diner, during weeks when money is tight after paying rent and you’re craving something nicer than just rice with an occasional egg on top, but they’ve started stationing you at the register, where the only things you’re moving are credit cards through the slider and the thumb on your right hand as you play sudoku on your phone.)

The dress you’re wearing is old, and if the out-of-style pattern of its skirt didn’t make that obvious enough, the way the elastic is permanently stretched and no longer cinches around your waist makes it perfectly clear. You don’t feel… unattractive in it, not exactly… but it makes you look like some sort of old maid, you think, your ass resting just a little too full for your comfort and the frills around your bust too tacky for your liking… not like someone who should be hanging out with a bunch of 20-something year-olds now years out of undergraduate.

Most of your friends dress in stylish ensembles they’ve collected and created over the many years you’ve known them… and while you wish you could emulate the causality they display in their effortlessly chic everyday wear, you’re still stuck living halfway out of your mother’s closet because clothing shopping is a luxury you have obviously not prioritized affording.

It’s partially why you’ve managed to push it too close to the wire to change outfits (really, you tried on two other things and felt strangely the same in them, one blouse an ugly, stained mustard and the other even more motherly looking, flaring widely over the lower bit of your belly as if that part of you needed hiding), as by now, you’ve learned there’s not enough time in the world to make you feel as confident as you do in your favorite pajamas, in your own home, entertaining only yourself.

And sometimes Ryomen, when he feels like playing nice.

Because really, it’s hard to care about who the outside of you pleases when most of the time, your outfits (ugly or motherly or not) have no bearing on said, six-foot, seven-foot, something curse who fucks you upside down and backwards near daily every spare moment you’re able to offer yourself to him naked, and who currently stares at you like the piece of meat you really are as you stare at yourself.

Clearly, he is bored watching you, as when he’d tried picking at the clasped band of your bra, as much interest in the old lace as taking it off you accounts for, you’d succeeded in swatting at him enough times to have him slinking off to drape himself dramatically over your bed sheets again.

“Foolish woman,” he complains. “Never have you bothered wearing fancy clothing around me.”  

“It’s not about the clothing. It’s about how it’s literally been 35 pounds since I’ve last seen these friends.”

Sukuna rolls half of his four eyes, the two that don’t sit vertically or flatly on his face where they would if he looked human.

“Pounds of flesh?” he says dryly, which you ignore in favor of pulling off the frilly shirt you're currently wearing and replacing it with something much more simple you initially thought might come off as too casual, but now seems like the best option in terms of comfort.

“Of…fat,” you twist in the mirror to briefly glance back at where he sprawls, pinching the dips on your hips as though it’s obvious what you’re talking about, “that I can’t exactly hide.”

“Hide?” he repeats incredulously, his big face morphing into something much more pointed and annoyed as his words darken into a chuckle that seems to echo and vibrate between the walls. “Good women walk bare, you know.”

What you know is that Sukuna is taunting you, and that his kind of woman, the traditional, acquiescent kind, hasn’t existed for thousands upon thousands of years. It’s something he must have been forced to come to terms with since having woken up in a decade that is entirely not his, where most women (you included, as well as all the other ones you’re sure he’s encountered here) dress in business casual suits and spend their time working for the man (rather than serving one) because it’s the only way outside of finding a husband they’ll be set up to survive.

Still, Sukuna has made a few attempts at pushing the expectation of that ancient naturality on you, despite knowing you don’t have the kind of time or patience or even employment that level of… maintenance (or lack thereof, given that what he likes is when you’re completely unshaven and greased up for his pleasure) …requires to indulge him, the literal cost of it all notwithstanding.

“Good women don’t binge themselves on the latte machine at work and order lunch takeout just because someone else is picking it up.” 

The man, the king, as he sometimes demands to be called, seems to ponder for a moment, eyes not on you but on the pale, stained bed sheets he pinches between two of his long nails as he considers your response. You’re not yet sure if he really cares, but no sooner is he shooting you a nasty pair of eyes you try to ignore as you stick a hand down the back of your ass to rearrange the seamless panties beneath your leggings.

“Who, sweet girl,” he says, voice wet with a surprisingly bitter edge, “is picking it up?”

You stare at him from out of the corner of the mirror, at the way his eyebrows have narrowed, his mouth has puckered downward, and his eyes haven’t strayed from your body since you mentioned it’s shape. Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes.

“Nobody, actually. Starting tomorrow, I’m officially bringing in lunch from home for the rest of the month.” Letting your pants slap back down once your hand emerges from the waistband, you decide it’s finally time to suck it up and take your leave. Your friends have never been judgmental people no matter how much you’d like to impress them regardless, and you doubt one bad outfit is going to ruin the rest of your week, much less however long the friendships may last. “I’ll be good, and then you can stop nagging.”

“I am not nagging, poppet.” Sukuna scoffs, clearly offended as he shifts to roll over and face away from where, in a few minutes, you’ll no longer be, having already started preparing to grab your purse. “I’m saying good women need only care about pleasing their own men.”

“Their own, huh?” you ask, to which Sukuna humphs, though still lets you lean over your bed to give him one brief kiss on the shoulder before you leave. “I’ll have to remember that.”

[felidaefatigue]

the subsections of people too who are like. in 1 circle ppl who think because talks abt the complexity of having bigoted family means she isnt like. standing on business by cutting them off. and the other ppl who think shes "choosing to love family cause family live trancends poltics" makes me shake me head sm.

living in the canadian equivalent of the south like. dude its not some wholesome love or turning a blind eye. We want to drop those fuckers. We want to cut them off and call them names and shit. We probably could do more damage to their psyches than mostbpeople realize because they are FAMILY. But we dont. not because we looOOvEe them. its so much more complex than that.

U have to realize we live in places where we are destined to always be the losing team. No matter how much hope we grow like. It is dangerous it is shit and everyone is against you. And you learn ways to live with that WHILE fighting. And it HAS to be intersectional when you live like that and you are forced to realize that and stand by it. If you want to raise up the poor, youre going to have to get comfy with a lot of poor people who need your help who will hate your fucking guts and are terrible people by like political correctness scales. Almost every situation is rubbing shoulders with some type of asshole. There isnt enough people in these places who u can surround yourself with to make some safe insular bubble.

You choose your battles every day. And sometimes u will cut people off. Sometimes you will punch a racist in the face. And sometimes you'll note them as someone ur going to sit down with over dinner and grimace at their bullshit because you think they might have enough respect for you as a human for you to maybe tip the scales of their beliefs ever so slightly if you offer them the same respect. and THAT. is the love you have to build in these places. Its a love that is acknowledging even people who fucking despise you and who you by all rights can feel justified equally abhorring. But you dont because you can see their humanity and you feel strong enough in that moment to have hope for it and you try to maintain human connection because you know, logically and proven over and over, that humans only get better with love and respect. and it has to be genuine. it doesnt have to be all encompassing or with no boundaries or at your expense but it is the only thing that WORKS and we fucking NEED it to work in these environments. Because we need it returned.

Like I fucking hate my mother for a lot of genuinely good valid reasons. I wouldnt ever say I love her in the traditional sense of the word. But I recognize the realities that formed our relationship and our lives and while I dont forgive her I know exactly what happened and I have love for her as a human who deserved and deserves better and is WORTHY of love. If she had been treated better I woyld have been treated better. Cant do anything about the past but like. I can only try to do the best by both of us movin forward ya know?

Its just like. you have to recognize there is so much nuance and complexity and there is never the same right answer twice. I've given the same person hundreds of second chances and cutting them off and thinking theyre doing better and then disappointed again etc etc. like. idk man. theres something about growing up in a right wing area that makes u very.... accepting of the fact there is no correct politic. there is no way to save the world. there is no good answer. but you habe to keep fuckin swinging and missin cause you also still know we deserve better. all of us do.

amusing watching the culture confusion of mainstream listeners reacting to chappel roan's politic cause like. essentially the problem is just. culture difference. theyre expecting Pop Princess as in like. tswif or b.spears Princess. not. gay subculture Princess. Like shes using southern drag culture as her business brand. You arent the target demographic and ur misunderstanding the terminology its not her fault ur makin the wrong assumptions lmao immerse urself in the culture for a minute. Out of the cosplay of a Queen she's also a rural american lesbian like?????? daddy's baby girl isnt the foundation here ur stARTIN WAY OFF THE WRONG FOOT

[animeomegas]

Omega!Itachi Getting Married

Anon:  Helllooo!!! I was wonderin if u could write for omega itachi getting married. I'd really appreciate it :)

(Hello! Hello! This is the oldest request in my inbox, so I hope this ends up being worth the wait! Enjoy~ <3)

Warning: implied sexual activity

General headcanons - Non-massacre AU:

Itachi has always known that he would get married someday.

After all, it was his duty as clan heir.

But he never expected to actually love his mate. He was required to angle for a politically/socially advantageous match and he had made his peace with that.

If he had to marry someone to keep peace between clans, he would. If he had to marry someone his parents chose for him to keep conflict in the family down, he would.

Itachi’s fatal flaw is that he doesn’t see his comfort/happiness as important.

And while he looked forward to his future children, his future spouse was a neutral event. It would happen, whether he wanted it to or not, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Best case scenario, he might have a new friend, or at least someone he respects, to live with him.

Worst case scenario, he ends up in a horrible marriage. He tried not to think too much about this option.

He never expected there to be any love between him and his future spouse.

Until he met you.

He found a person who actually loved him. An alpha who was as dedicated to a future family as he was. A partner who respected him more than he had ever hoped.

And Itachi fell hard and fast.

So, when you proposed, he felt like everything he had never dared to hope for was coming true.

You went to get his parents’ permission first (and the permission of the clan by proxy) and did the proposal in front of them. It wasn’t ideal, you knew Itachi would be happier with a private proposal, but you also knew that Itachi wouldn’t believe that he had their approval unless he saw it first-hand.

Itachi and his family are very traditional, so you weren’t mated before you got married, instead, you mated on your wedding night.

Itachi is very happy to let his family dictate the wedding. He doesn’t care as long as he’s married to you at the end of the day.

(But he does have preferences that you can extract from him, but getting Itachi’s true opinion, can be like pulling teeth.)

Proposal:

You had known Itachi since you were both 18, two years now. You had been courting him officially for a year and a half before you proposed.

As I mentioned, you proposed in front of Itachi’s parents, to make sure that he knew that you had gained their approval.

Sasuke was also there, after years of bribery, finally accepting of you and Itachi’s relationship. You met Sasuke when he had just graduated from the academy, and he was not impressed by this new person stealing his brother from him when he wanted Itachi to train him ☹

For Itachi, it was a normal family dinner.

He definitely noticed that you were behaving nervously, but he knew his family could be stiff, overly traditional and a little intimidating, so he figured that was the cause of your discomfort.

Sasuke was also staring at you suspiciously the whole evening, but to be honest, sometimes Sasuke was just like that, so Itachi thought nothing of it.

You kept a hand on his knee for the entire meal, only letting go of him when you announced that you had brought dessert for everyone and would be happy to serve it.

Itachi smiled his gorgeous smile at you, so pleased to see you making an effort with his family (or perhaps he was smiling about the desert, Itachi’s sweet tooth is legendary after all. It was difficult to tell.)

Nervously clenching your hands, you walked over to the fridge, pulling out the plate of dango you had hidden in there earlier. It was Itachi’s favourite, and if there was anything to convince him to say yes to your proposal, it was a demonstration of how much dango you were willing to buy for him.

‘Don’t mess this up,’ you said to yourself, gingerly sliding the plate of dango out of the fridge. It was an elaborate platter that had cost far too much. There were seven different dango flavours with an assortment of dips and dressings, arranged artfully with fruit and dried flowers to decorate the plate.

You walked to back to the table and presented the plate with a dramatic flourish to hide your nerves.

Itachi’s face lit up. Despite your nerves, his obvious excitement put a smile on your face. He really was perfect.

And that’s why you can’t mess this up.

“There’s anko, green tea, sesame,” you pointed at each flavour as you listed them. “Hanami and…er… some other ones…?”

Sasuke scoffed at your embarrassing failure to recall the flavours, causing a red flush to creep up your neck. You didn’t even know that there was this many dango flavours before yesterday! Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, perhaps due to the sharp look Itachi had shot at him.

“I made sure to get enough for everyone, but there’s something I’d like to ask for in return.”

You could see Itachi trying to catch your eye, probably to ask what an earth you were doing, but you purposefully avoided looking in his direction.

“The only thing I ask,” you continued, nervously. “Is for a minute of your time before we eat dessert.”

Mikoto smiled at you and nodded for you to go ahead with a gentle wave of her hand. Sasuke simply raised an eyebrow at you but didn’t interrupt.

“Great,” you laughed nervously. “Um, so, er, Itachi.”

Itachi straightened under your sudden attention. He looked immensely uncomfortable and confused, he was probably panicking about you doing something in front of his family that you would regret. He always played liaison between you and his family to avoid conflict and was probably not comfortable with you doing this. Unfortunately, he would never believe that you had his parents’ approval if you didn’t propose in front of them.

“I’ve known you for two years now, Itachi,” you started, finally looking at Itachi in the eye. “And it sounds horribly cheesy, but I think that I fall in love with you more every day.”

A barely audible gasp left Itachi. He was a genius, after all, he had probably figured out where this was going. He looked torn between panicked and elated, seeming to settle somewhere around shell-shocked.

“I’ve come to realise recently that, a life without that love, without your love, isn’t a life that I want.”

You can just about see tears gathering in Itachi’s waterline. It doesn’t look like he’s breathing at all.

With one final rush of bravery, you pulled out the diamond ring that had been weighing down your pocket for months and knelt down onto the dining room floor.

“Will you marry me?”

Itachi’s head whips around to face his parents, most likely preparing some serious damage control. But when he sees his mother’s gentle smile and his father’s subtle nod, he slowly moves his gaze back to you. You’ve never seen him look so shocked before. It was almost amusing enough to distract you from your nerves. Almost.

“I-,” Itachi swallowed hard. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say what you want to say, Itachi,” his mother replies, trying to encourage him.

His mother’s words seemed to break him out of his stupor and Itachi breathes out a single word.

“Yes.”

You let out a delighted and relieved laugh, taking Itachi’s hand in yours and slipping the ring onto his finger, and even though his family were all watching you, you couldn’t help but pull him into an embrace.

“I love you so much,” you whispered to him. “I’ll read you my real proposal speech this evening.”

Itachi laughed into your shoulder. His laughter had a hysteric edge to it, his mind still clearly reeling at what you had just done.  

“Real speech?”

“You didn’t think I was going read my real proposal out in front of your parents, did you? No way. They still think we’re virgins and I didn’t want to spoil that illusion for them.”

Itachi quickly and efficiently jabbed you in the stomach and hit you with his infamous glare.

“Okay, I deserved that,” you winced, gingerly rubbing the sore spot.

Finally, you pulled away and moved to dish out the dango. And if Itachi got the biggest portion, well, no one mentioned it.

   Planning:

Itachi lets his clan take over the planning.

He doesn’t want to deal with the stress of having to combat his family at every turn and would much rather just let them do it. As long as you’re there with him, nothing else really matters.

But even when his clan leave the smaller decisions up to him, he’s hesitant to voice his opinions, wanting his alpha to make them as an apology for his family commandeering everything.

But if you pay attention to little signs and reactions that Itachi gives, you can figure out some of his wants and desires.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about the wedding planning, because Itachi doesn’t do much of it.

Things he wants (compromise available/no compromise allowed):

Sasuke as his groomsman and Shisui as his best man – Itachi doesn’t have many close friends or relatives. He has you, Sasuke, Shisui… er, he’d probably invite his old captain Kakashi and… well, you get the point. So, every person who is important to him needs to be by his side at his wedding, and who is more important than his best friend and little brother.

A traditional wedding – He isn’t actually that bothered by what type of wedding he has, but he knows his family and clan will insist on a traditional celebration and as I mentioned, he doesn’t want to fight. The elders will push the wedding to be held in the clan compound and Itachi would be told to wear a traditional Uchiha wedding garment.

A sweets cart – This is something that he won’t bring up, and therefore isn’t bolded, but it’s very easy to see his face light up when he sees this in a wedding catalogue. It’s a wooden cart with different jars of sweets with little scoops for people to help themselves to. Itachi loves sweet food, obviously, but he also thinks it would be something the children in the clan would adore. He kind of really wants one, but he won’t bring it up unless someone else does first.

An early wedding – He won’t fight you or his family about this, but ideally, he would like to get married in the morning, maybe around 8 or 9 AM. Itachi is definitely an early bird who prefers the ambience of the early morning which is part of the reason, but mainly he just wants the performative part of the wedding over and done with so he can start his honeymoon. He doesn’t find it appealing to spend all night pretending to tolerate the elders of his clan who will almost certainly spend their time berating him for his choice of partner and then telling him he needs to have as many children as possible because he’s a powerful ninja that will produce powerful children. He just doesn’t want to deal with it. Leaving at 6 PM with you to go on your honeymoon and finally, finally mate? That sounds much more fun.

To try and conceive on his honeymoon – Obviously, he’s not going to force anything if you aren’t ready, but he would really love to start trying to conceive straight away. He’s desperate to have his own children, firstly, but also, he knows this is his only ticket to retiring from being a ninja. He wants to retire so badly, and so if you’re both ready for children, he doesn’t want to wait.

 The wedding:

You don’t see Itachi for a day before the wedding, as is tradition. You see him for the first time that weekend when he’s walking down the hall towards you.

And as Fugaku walks Itachi down the aisle, you are completely breathless.

He looks stunning.

His hair had been intricately platted with flowers, some lose strands of hair left to frame his face.

He’s wearing a deep red, formal kimono just as you expected, but it looked so much more beautiful than you had imagined.

He looked like royalty.

The whole ceremony flew by, and before you knew it, it was time for you and Itachi to say goodbye and leave for your honeymoon.

Your honeymoon was to be had at a cabin held deep in the woods on the Uchiha compound. The rule was that married couples could not be disturbed for anything other than a life-or-death emergency, so you would be completely alone.

It might have been nice to go abroad, but the Uchiha clan didn’t want Itachi to be distracted by his honeymoon outside of Konoha where he might be attacked and his eyes stolen.

You both had already been by to drop off everything you would need for the week, including clothes, food, games and toiletries.

So, now, all that was left was for you two to get there yourself.

You and Itachi had decided to amble your way to the cabin, taking your time to enjoy each other’s company after a day of socialising with everyone but each other. Not to mention that neither of your outfits were particularly well designed for gallivanting through the forest. It would be rather embarrassing to have to end your self-imposed isolation to go to the hospital on day one, so walking slowly was probably a good idea.

You had been walking for about thirty minutes so the cabin should be… There! You were there!

“Wait!” you shot out a hand to stop Itachi from entering, startling him slightly. “Don’t go in yet.”

Itachi furrowed his brows, absently blowing a stray hair from his face that must have fallen down during the walk.

“I… want to carry you inside,” you admitted bashfully.

Itachi chuckled but stepped closer to let you do it. You beamed at him, pressing a kiss against his lips as a thank you. He looked a lot more tired than this morning; his hair was falling out of its elaborate placement and the makeup you were sure he was coerced into using was a little smudged.

He really was the most beautiful person you had ever met.

With his permission now gained, you placed an arm around his shoulders and another arm behind his knees, before gently lifting him off the ground. You nuzzled Itachi’s neck, enjoying his content scent and the way he sighed happily at your attention.

With your husband firmly in your grasp, you nudged open the front door with your foot and stepped safely over the threshold. You carried Itachi all the way to the bedroom and placed him down gently on the bed.

Itachi leant up to steal a kiss.

“Bringing me straight to the bedroom, you are incorrigible,” he teased, kicking off his shoes and making himself comfortable on the bed.

“I-I wasn’t, I didn’t mean that!” you sputtered, flushing under Itachi’s laughter. Silence fell over the room for a moment as the exhaustion from the day swept over you both.

“Would you mind helping me out of this kimono, please? I think it’s time for something a little more comfortable.”

It took a solid ten minutes to get Itachi out of his clothes and into some pyjamas. Ten minutes and a lot of swear words as every layer seemed to be hiding another one underneath.

“This wasn’t how I imagined undressing you on our wedding night, that felt a lot like pass the parcel but somehow more stressful.”

“Oh?” Itachi questioned, pulling you to sit down on the bed with him, finally free from the constraints of his wedding attire. “How did you imagine it?”

Rather than answer with words, you pressed wet kisses over Itachi’s neck, smirking against his skin as you felt his hand come up to grasp at your hair and a gentle moan escape from his lips.

This was definitely going to be the best part of the celebrations.

[fairycosmos]

I've been stalking an artist on here at her university for about 4 days now. I know her routines, her friends, where she lives, ect. Why does everyone who hurt me get a better life than me? Why am I expendable in every scenario? All I wanted was a fucking friend. Nobody cares and everyone ignores me - hence why I can say and do all of this! Keep updated on the news.

hey dude, i have to discourage this and it worries me to read. hope you can set aside ur anger for a moment to hear me out. i don't think it's healthy for anyone involved. and i know you prob dont give a shit about that rn, but it's honestly not productive. i completely understand ur hurt and i think the emotion itself is so justified - i seethe every day over seeing the shittiest ppl thrive. i do get that. and it's not fair that you've been alienated and mistreated either, which is another experience i'm super familiar with. i think it's common for ppl who've always had friends to not be able to truly comprehend the damage it causes. it's so painful. i'm sorry you've been put through it, sincerely. it's relentless and harrowing, and it feels like it takes years to get over. a lifetime even. i hope it doesn't sound like i'm undermining that. but idk what following this girl around will achieve and i hope you will consider stopping. it won't tangibly solve anything and it’s not rational. it's better to focus on your own life, on things you can actively change. if nothing else, it's truly not worth the energy. if they're not giving you the time of day, then that's on them, and you don't have to waste a moment on them either. you're not expendable. your worth is not dictated by assholes, or by people who don't see you. much easier to say than believe, i know but. honestly social situations are just really fucking hard to navigate and so is making true connections as an adult + finding friends. it's not because you're cursed to be lonely for life, or because you're going to be stuck under these circumstances forever. not if you don’t back yourself into a corner by holding onto the toxicity of the whole thing, and getting lost in it. hope you can try to work on letting this go and finding a healthier outlet + someone to talk to (literally anyone, a hotline, a family member/professional etC) even if it's a process. if she's mean, you're not missing out by not having her in your life anyway. take care.

*i’d like to ask that (not from a place of anger at all, just concern) that ppl don’t send me messages of this specific nature in the future. i’m extremely limited as to what i can say or do about it, i’m not equipped at all. it’s really stressful to read and to not be able to help in any actual way due to my position as a stranger online + the anonymity + not knowing the possible seriousness of the situation OR the amount of actual truthfulness behind it (just bc of how the internet can be sometimes.) just want to set that boundary rn, thank u guys.

[qingxintea]

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝��̢̞̳̩͈̲͉͕h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.

[astrowithkaro]

elllooo!! ur birthday language series is honestly so cool dkekfkd. i was hoping somebody else asked it already but nah so...- if ur free, can u pls also do the 23rd of september? thank u in advance, have a great day/night!

Language Of Birthdays; September 23 - Libra

The Day Of The Breakthrough

A recurring theme in the lives of September 23 people is that of breaking through restrictions. The expansive individuals born on this day are not free to develop and unfold their personalities until they have struggled with and overcome either physical or for- mal difficulties. This struggle is usually extremely intense, and in fact goes on even after successive breakthroughs. Indeed life for those born on this day is a series of ongoing challenges which must each be met and conquered. In this respect September 23 people may well be described as spiritual warriors.

The more highly evolved of September 23 people use the fruits of their struggle to benefit all those around them, if only as a living symbol of determination to overcome adversity. Less highly evolved individuals born on this day may get bogged down in personal conflicts (often a result of their substantial egos) in which they succeed in stirring up a lot of trouble but not necessarily yielding positive results. It would be advantageous for them to retire for a while from life's fray, get their heads screwed on straight and put their considerable energy at the service of a worthwhile cause.

September 23 people are capable of moving mountains. Yet there are times when they sink into depressions or low energy periods where they can't seem to summon the feeblest of energy. Certainly there is nothing lazy or slack about those born on this day—it is just that they can't fake enthusiasm and when they don't feel inspired would rather do nothing at all than produce shoddy work.

September 23 people are drawn to happenings of all sorts. Whether they are mentally, emotionally or physically oriented, they are action people, for whom words are only a means to an end. As a matter of course, most September 23 people are not particularly verbal, and communicate what they have to say directly, sometimes with no words at all. For those who do possess the gift of speech, theirs is an elegantly simple, precise and economical style, carrying little excess verbiage.

Those born on this day can be extremely seductive and charming, though many appear forbidding or aloof on first meeting. Others should not, however, make the mistake of thinking that September 23 charm is an invitation to get personally involved, particularly on a sexual level. For the most part September 23 people put their work first and pleasure second. Despite any image they might project, their real friends are very few and they do not value small talk. Often it is better to admire them from a distance than to force an approach. On the other hand, September 23 people themselves should beware of isolating themselves at a deep emotional level and concentrating on universal or worldly concerns to the exclusion of personal matters. In this, they may be neglecting the trees for the forest.

Strengths:

Creative

Exciting

Adventuresome

Weaknesses:

Troubled

Depressive

Addictive

Advice

Those born on September 23 must be very careful with alcohol consumption and the ingestion of drugs (including nicotine and caffeine) in general. Those born on this day are particularly prone to abusing such substances during periods of depression. It is possible that macrobiotic, vegetarian, ovo-lacto or fruitarian diets and fasting can be helpful in purifying the body for brief or extended periods of time. Physical exercise here stimulates appetites and improves circulation. September 23 people must beware of liver, kidney, stomach and intestinal damage from diet or bodily abuse.

It will be most important for you to make use of your downtime

During such periods you can get in touch with what is working and what holds you back

Ready yourself for life's battles beforehand; being prepared is the key

[jugjugjuice]

Sukuna NFSW alphabet

🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼

A-Aftercare:

Sorry Sukuna could care less what happens after sex. If your not out his bed in the next 30 min he will...possibly kill you or question you. “Human why are you still here?” The closes thing he will do for aftercare is throw a blanket on your naked body while you sleep🥲✋

B-Body:

Sukuna loves everything about his body. To him every part of him is perfect, sexy, powerful. BUT if he had to choose one part of his body then he will choose his hands. The very same hands he use to kill people and fuck you with.

His favorite body of yours(you probably already know what I’m about to say) is ur booty. He will smack it, lick it, bite it, squeeze it you name it! He loves a nice booty mostly because it’s so....fuckable. He can fuck you while also playing with it. He just loves how it feels. Don’t matter the size.

C-Cum

Sukuna will cum anywhere tbh. His favorite places to cum on would be your face, your ass, stomach, and in your mouth. He loves seeing his mess all over you. You wanna make him rock hard again? Just run his cum all over you, degrading yourself. If you do this this man will actually drool for you😳

D-Dirty secret

Now when it comes to Sukuna he has no shame in the things he has done. All the dirty secrets has he already told you about. Now one thing he hasn’t told you(mostly cause he keeps forgetting to blurt it out) is that he sticked a....vibrator up his pp hole😬(I am so sorry) the vibration inside of him plus the feeling of himself stroking his own cock was overwhelmingly pleasurable. He even use his second mouth(on his tummy) to lick his pp. I guess you can say he is kinda a masochistic but he will NEVER let you dominate him.

E-Experience

Sukuna is very much experienced. Back when was living in his own body he had six with about 90 women....a village. He obviously killed them when he grew bored of them.

F- Favorite portions

since I don’t know the names for these specific positions, I’ll just leave the pictures down here.

(It wouldn’t let me send the link) but these are his go to positions out of all he have in his mind. These are just the positions that feels good to him.

G-Goofy

Sukuna is not goofy during sex. I would say he is serious and a flirt at the same time while doing it. He will mock your voices and laugh at how vulnerable you are.

H-hair

No surprise at all that this man has hair down there. He is very much proud of it. If it gets too wild then he will trim it but he needs hair down there to feel like a man. Of course it will never be to much hair. Medium amount I would say.

I-Intimacy

Sukuna can be either patient or impatient during the beginning of sex. When he is Patient he will foreplay a little bit. He would also kiss you a lot down your body. Touch sensitive spots all to hear you moan and beg for him. Sometimes you would cum from him talking dirty in your ear. When he isn’t patient he would go straight in and just fuck you. You would have to hold on because it gets wild and bumpy.

J-Jack off

Sukuna loves to jackoff. Not because it’s a stress reliever, but because it feels good. If he can’t, for some reason, fuck you he will beat the stick. Even during sex he teases you by jerking off and cumming on your face.

K-Kinks

Sukuna kinda have a thing for pain. While you guys are having sex and you do something that might be a little to rough(fx while giving him a blow job you accidentally bite too hard or ride him too hard) he will get so turned on but he will never tell you that. He also loves to be disrespectful in bed. He would degrade you or spit on you and just cum from that.

L-Location

It don’t matter where you guys do it he will fuck you anywhere. Yes that even means in public. If you guys are at a restaurant he will bend you over the tables and fuck you. Anyone near will have front row seats.

M-Motivation

After a good fight he always feel so energetic or horny so he would just take all that pride out on you. Or if you wear something sexy or something tight that shows off your curves he will tear that outfit to bits. Basically any little thing you do will make him honry. You bite your lip, show a littl Cleavage, rub legs, or even stare at him. He will get turned on. Also if you squirt on him then congratulations he is in love.

N-No

Sukuna is not into coprophilia. If you even mention that to him he will just kill you. He also isn’t into being a bottom, sub, or being pegged No amount of begs will get this man to be your bitch. Oh no honey your HIS bitch!

O-Oral

Sukuna love him some oral. He loves the feeling of your tongue touching and caressing his dick. He loves it more when you choke and gag on his dick. If you feel like your about to throw up his only response is. “That’s fine. You vomit on my dick you cleaning it up pig”. When he says that it’s usually threatening then sexy. He is dead serious.

P-Pace

Sukuna is a and deep thruster. With each thrust it’s deeper and deeper just pounding on that sensitive spot that makes you squirt. He will go slow when your about to cum to tease you. He will probably say, “yea baby you mad I stopped going fast? What if I just pull out and let you cum without my dick being inside you?”

Q-Quickie

I mean Sukuna is down to any kind of sex so he will mostly be down for a quickie. I can see him doing this right before a battle. The adrenaline would just go right to his pp. also if you guys are in public and he gets horny(which is all the time) he would pull you somewhere and either eat you out or you suck him off. If he want to full on have sex then he would do it in front of everyone.

R-Risk

Sukuna is down to any type of risk. As I said the man has no shame so he could give two shits what anyone say or think. The most he has ever done was fuck you DURING battle. Yea it couldn’t wait and you where getting looks.

S-Stamina

Sukuna’s stamina is inhuman. He can go 30 rounds and still be hard and horny. To be quiet honest there was never a time he had sex and felt “finished” he had to stop for your sake because he knew if he kept going he would damage you insides and it would take days for him to even feel about done. There was this one time. A long long time ago he had sex with a woman he and was actually tired but we don’t talk about that. It was long ago and she is dead💀

T-Toys.

Yes. Like I mentioned before when he masterbates he would use toys on himself. Mostly on his dick. He would use toys on you while he fucks you. For example he would put a buttplug in you or stick a vibrator in you while pounding into ur hole mercilessly. What can I say. The mans a sex god

U-Unfair

He can be a bitch at times. Sukuna loves to walk out on you in the middle of sex just to hear your screams and cries. One time while you where about to cum he just pulled out and you cummed without his dick being inside of you. It was so uncomfortable and...sad. He loves messing with you. When he walks out on you during sex he won’t fuck you until tmr. He won’t let you win like that. He also loves to build up your orgasms and leave. Fx everytime you where about to cum he would stop for 3min or until your building orgasm died down and fuck you again. He would do this 10 times before walking out.

V-Volume

Sukuna is more of a groaner then a moaner. I mean there have been many times he had moan because of you, but he mostly groans or dirty talk in your ear. If you give him a blowjob then he will both moan and dirty talk.

W-Wild card

Sukunas bodycount is over 100. Yea he was wild 1000 years ago✋

X-X-Ray

Sukunas size is at least 6 inches when soft and 9-10 inches when hard. He is more in the thicker side as well and has at least 2 big veins.

Y-Yearing

Sukuna have high sex drive. He is always horny 24/7. The smallest thing will make his dick twitch. If you manage to live with him then you will need a wheelchair because he will fuck around with you 3 times a day. Maybe 1 time a day if he is feeling nice.

Z-Zzzzz

Sukuna will fall asleep after sex. He will either fall asleep on you or on the bed. Most times in his sleep he drags your body closer to him. When he wakes up he just stared at you while you sleep. A million and one thought going through his head.

[mmmonie]

I have obey me brain rot and I physically cannot take it anymore so here are some random HCS I fucking busted out about demons under the read more (and some angel stuff thrown in. For fun. Spice is the variety of life or whatever) I formatted this on mobile so forgive me for my crimes pls..... 😔

Also as an fyi I have never written anything in my life <3 (and also I’m dyslexic) so if something sounds stupid I’m sorry lol <3 also I’m sure u can tell but I never know where to put commas so if that bothers u........sorry again lol

*There are (at least) two demonic languages: one is a bit like Latin albeit way more fucked up. The second one is spoken only. A human can learn to understand both but the second one requires a lot of concentration to discern due to the subtlety in the growls, clicks and other noises demons are capable of making. It’s also very dependent on body language, especially in demonic form.

*It would be nearly impossible for a human to be fluent in the second one because of that. (unless you’re like. A really good mimic?)

* the second one is the oldest language. The new language and it’s written counterpart are derived from it with a little twist, so you’ll still hear some interesting noises thrown in there. It would take some dedication to learn, though the written part is fairly easy once you get the hang of it. It was made to be read quickly and efficiently. The speaking part however...................good luck.

* Demons and angels can instantly pick up human languages including reading and writing. Wouldn’t do you much good to be summoned in like. Germany and not know the language LOL

* Demons purr LOL you can’t click and growl and NOT purr. Like cats, it is both a happy thing and a self soothing thing.

* There is a slight difference between a happy purr and a self soothing purr, but the difference depends entirely on the demon.

* Demons (and angels) are nearly impossible to kill. It’s also very hard to damage them in any meaningful way. They also heal very quickly, so even if you did get a good hit on one, if they managed to get away chances are they’d heal in a matter of hours.

* Stronger demons like the brothers are even MORE impervious to damage. The amount of times Beel’s reached into the oven barehanded just to pop a piping hot cookie in his mouth is insane. He swears it’s the best way to eat them.

* Angels are very stiff but very physically powerful. They have a lot of control over their bodies and are trained from a young age to be able to wield that power responsibly.

* Demons on the other hand are incredibly flexible and bounce back easily. Though your average demon might not be the same physical strength as an angel, they have agility on their side. Angels are heavy hitters where demons rely on their ability to strike multiple times very quickly.

* This was a very weird transition for the brothers, though the amount of strength they had barely changed between realms. Fallen angels don’t change that much strength wise, but a little bit is burned up in the fall (to protect themselves.)

* Angels may be strong but demons also posses a massive amount of strength and have to learn to control it over time. This is known as a “juvenile phase” but it happens at different ages depending on how they were born. Fallen angels do not go through this as they have already learned to keep a grip on their power. Do I have an entire separate post ready about this bc I just couldn’t shut up? Maybe...

* There are four ways of being “born” a demon. Fallen angels, half demons, human borns and natural demons.

* Humans can choose to be turned into demons, but it is a very painful process and they won’t be able to gain any strength, what they get is what the get. They are referred to as “human born” and were considered the lowest of the humanoid demons until Diavolo came into power.

* Human born used to just be made whenever by whoever but that caused problems. Demons would make human borns and then just leave them to flounder about by themselves in an unknown territory. Diavolo’s father put an end to that during his reign, but “accidents” still happen. Now you have to do paperwork if you want to turn your human friend/lover into a demon lol.

* The ceremony for turning humans into demons is incredibly complex, which is why banning making human born unless given permission is less of a problem than you’d think.

* Half demons are just that, they’re only half demon. Most are half human but there are a few other kinds of magical creatures mixed in there. They aren’t as strong as a natural demon nor a fallen angel but they can gain power through their other ancestry. Many of them specialize in unique kinds of magic.

* Half human/demon children aren’t as rare as you’d think they are. This is due to the fact that demons have all sorts of ways to keep a demonic baby alive. Ranging from shapeshifting and (magically) taking the baby themselves once it’s grown enough to handle the transition to various forms of potions and spells to help a human along.

* Half demons and natural demons have the luxury of being born already (mostly) acclimated to the devildom, making some of the transitions that come with a demons lifespan easier on them than human born and fallen angels.

* Angels are taught to control/ignore their instincts where demons are taught to rely on/embrace theirs. Because demonic instincts often work against the things taught in the celestial realm fallen angels have a hard time adjusting to their new environment. Though, as their sins overtake them, their instincts become easier to fall back on.

* Demons have multiple forms, not just the two shown in game. All in all, the brothers have 5, each becoming less and less humanoid.

* Half/human born demons are more likely to have both a tail and wings in their first demonic form. Stronger demons like the brothers are merely showing off the strongest of the two, but everyone has both. (Bc I think they slap LOL *points* u get a tail and wings! *u get a tail and wings*)

* •a demons features can be influenced by what sin they are, but it’s not a hard or fast rule. Don’t be surprised if a demon who looks more akin to Mammon is actually a Sloth demon.***this does not apply to little Ds who’s look is entirely dependent on their sin. Little Ds are an entirely separate conversation 😈

* human borns/half demons can have two sins assigned to them, though this makes them less powerful in both. Usually there is a more prominent sin.

* Diavolo’s rule has helped quite a bit with bringing humans into a new better light, and many natural born demons who haven’t been able to interact with the human realm have become increasingly curious about humans and the way they work. Much of this is due to media that was brought from the human world to sedate Dia’s intense curiosity.

* In the eyes of many older demons, humans are merely playthings and it is expected that most demons will eventually mate with at least one other demon. A human and a demon dating is seen as just infatuation on the demons part, and it’s often thought that there are no real feelings behind a relationship like that. However there have been/are many successful and happy human/demon relationships.

* Demons don’t really have a concept of marriage. They live so long there really isn’t a point to tying yourself to one single person (or a few people) However, that’s not to say that there aren’t relationships like that. There are binding ceremonies for expressing love and devotion to other beings and it has its own unique culture.

* though the gates to the human realm are still technically closed and have been for a long time, demons can still be summoned by witches (sorcerers, wizards, warlocks, whatever you call yourself.) They can also be successfully summoned if you are not a magic user, however this is rare and often can go wrong, much like horror movies.

* Summoning very powerful demons like the brothers is incredibly hard even for an extremely experienced magic user, so often the demon you get claiming to be Satan really isn’t LOL. There are demons who are actually assigned to go to summonings in the place of the seven lords of hell, but many demons will just take on the role to fuck around with whomever summoned them. You think a prince of hell has time to just go possess some object or person for fun? (Ok...Mammon Satan and Belphie might.......if they’re bored enough LOL)

* Demons are actually relatively cuddly creatures. They might be a little rough with strangers but base instincts with family members will always be to coddle rather than fight. They’re more like humans in that right.

* Angels don’t do much casual touching, they’re very uptight. Beel and Belphie being as close as they are was a bit of an oddity in the celestial realm. That’s not to say angels don’t need causal touch lol just that they were trained to avoid that “temptation”.

* the brothers had a hard time starting out in the Devildom because of this. They still have a hard time with casual touches, which is why they seem so touched starved with the MC.

Things I might elaborate on later:

* There is a difference between demons, incubi and succubi but it’s not what you think it is.

* Demons, angels and humans all have very different takes on gender.

* The juvenile phase (DO not tempt me I wrote out like 1000 words about it bc I couldn’t shut the fuck up)

* Animals in the Devildom are fucked up. I WILL fucking talk about this bc it’s my passion.

* Pacts and how they work..........

* Maybe I’ll also elaborate on the hierarchy/power structure of demons sometimes 

[napeoftheneck]

The Rule of Beasts (Eren Yeager x Warrior!reader)

MAJOR ATTACK ON TITAN SEASON 4 SPOILERS !!!

Hey bestie! Sorry this took so long, writing for Eren is a STRUGGLE on its own but pairing that with a Marleyan reader makes it seem like I’m writing the 95 Theses. I’ve done it though! I just want to thank you guys for requesting despite having no teaser to see what I write like! I appreciate it. Hope u enjoy :)

Title: The Rule of Beasts

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Blood, canon-typical violence, war, depiction of depression/trauma/PTSD brought from war, swearing, major injuries, Eren is mean as hell in this (I use she/her pronouns for the reader in this as it was in the request! If you want any changes, please feel free to dm me or submit an ask!). ALSO, the quote used for the title is one I've seen EVERYWHERE, but I can't find who originally said it. If anyone knows, let me know!!

Major spoilers for Attack On Titan season 4 below the cut!!!

“We’re not friends. We were never friends.”

Since your return to Marley some years ago, those words persecuted you like a condemnation. The dismay they brought you was incessant, though it was nothing compared to the agony concealing it brought.

Reiner seemed to be handling it well. He could look his mother in her wavering eyes and recount the story of the potato girl with little faltering and he could sit before Gabi, Udo, Zofia and Falco to give impudent answers on the spot.

You were nothing akin to it.

Upon your return, you were no longer the dominant and capable warrior sent by Marley to scour Paradisians. You were a husk.

The way they gawked at you, whispering as you passed and lowered their voices to a soft, below-octave hum as if you could break if they spoke any louder told you everything about how they had seen you now. Now, alongside Reiner, you were shaken.

You were a child that allowed herself to be shaken by the horrors of a war you weren't prepared to fight in. Not alongside Reiner, anyway.

The fact that you had survived had been a testament to nothing. It meant nothing.

Without your frequent appearance past public displays of your status, you meant nothing. When you returned home, your facade crumbled. You were plagued with thoughts of what you had done to them - to him.

You slept and dreamt of the moment where Eren Jeager had confided in you and you looked him in the eyes and swore to cleanse the world of those beasts that killed his mother. You shared tender moments with him knowing that those beasts were your friends - that they were you. You nodded along as he spoke of a world where you could live together, peacefully, without Titans. Meanwhile, your true allies would be waiting for you that dawn to plan how you could ruin them more.

Whenever you dreamed (it wasn’t often) it was of him. Sometimes it would be of moments you weren’t present for - of the moment he heard your name when listing missing soldiers. Often, it wasn’t.

“Don’t touch me, don’t even-don’t even look at me! You took years of my life from me and I’ll never get them back. Do you understand that?!”

There it was again. It happened every time. You were on the branch, you felt the thick air heave through your lungs, yet you felt like you were drowning in it.

You knew the situation well now. He had no hands to fight you with. Ymir watched from beside him. If you looked up, Reiner would be stood tiredly, Bertholdt would be slumped against the trunk. “(Y/n), just let it go.” He would sigh, raking a large, scarred hand over his face.

You wished you listened. You never did. No matter how many times you’ve dreamed this dream, you never said what you needed to. You always said the same thing; “Eren,” it was always so tired. Your vision would always fade. “I wrote you a letter every day where I told you everything in vivid, drawn-out detail - I confessed to everything - but I couldn't ever show you. I couldn’t hurt my friend like th-“

“We’re not friends. We were never friends.”

A loud, echoing roar sounds from beyond the stage before you and you are momentarily struck from your daydream.

The declaration of war was upon you and, deep down, you knew something gruesome, something catastrophic would come of it. You weren't dull. Yet, there you sat, complicit. The crimson band around your arm burned your skin even under your coat like a crucifix upon the skin of the unholy.

You are grounded now, suddenly conscious of where you were.

The coldness of the night bit harshly your nose and ears, tearing you from whatever remaining stupor that had a hold on you.

Your eyes snap upward, toward the piercing flashes that now emitted from under the stage. People clambered around you, squealing and shoving their way past you. You angle your head to see what had caused such a commotion, but it didn’t take you long to discern the state of the audience.

Rubble, blood and fleeing townspeople flooded it.

From your spot behind the stage, you could see the resulting catastrophe clearly. However, it’s when you look up that left you staggering backwards.

Him.

It was unmistakably him, though the attack Titan looked much larger than you retained. It was much greater, now, because you were below it. You were at its mercy.

No longer, like before, were you in his territory. You weren’t the charlatan among others, he was. Because he didn't belong here. He was a threat to your people, your land; no longer to his own.

The fear made the damage look grim; it made him look massive.

Eren was in there.

You think of it and suddenly you are 15 again. Suddenly, you are brushing his hair, coaxing him to sleep through rough rain and thunderstorms. You suddenly feel his arms around you again, you feel the warmth from the night of your graduation.

You fought with yourself, biting back the feeling of familiarity, of recognition.

He wasn’t your friend anymore; he was the enemy now.

You didn’t want to fight him.

You just watched him kill what seemed to be hundreds of your people, and you were certain he had brought his own people with him, but you couldn't find it within yourself to do what you knew you must.

Someone grabbed your arm, and you momentarily tear your eyes from the familiar beast.

“Ms. (L/n)! You’re safe!” You don’t recognise the woman speaking to you, but she grasps your sleeve as though she knew you well. Her hand was coated thickly with crimson. A child weeps behind her dress. She weeps something about having lost her daughter to the rubble and she begs for you to do something.

Your expression hardens as she’s whisked away by a guard, who orders something about getting to safety. You watch her disappear into a large crowd as you search your pocket for the familiar coldness of your switchblade.

Eren Yeager had killed your people.

He had, in this stunt, mowed through thousands at this point and surely would do what he could do to make his destructive way to your friends.

You flick it along your palm.

Violence for violence was the rule of beasts. You would get to him before he could.

[knullanon]

maybe yandad vandal savage with a naive innocent reader?

ooooooo anon havent thought about this one gotta say gotta say

you??? his daughter??? innocent??? hes gonna be thinking, "damn bro, how did i get this sweetheart of a daughter?" anytime he sees you trying to do something in a "un-safe" space, he will send your ass back home and make sure that the "un-safe" space is now safe. this is usually with school, or public places in general.

also, he has a list of "safe" spaces that you can go to, with his permission, which include: the light's meeting places, some houses around the world that he owns, wherever the fuck klarion lives, ra's al ghuls place (he may not be a part of the light anymore, but he sure as hell is still a good candidate for a babysitter), and literally anyone else he trusts

mf will make you stay in whatever place you choose (or that he choose) for months. its like moving a lot, you can stay there for 2 months or up to 10. the longest one you've ever stayed at was 2 days, and that was the "i wanted toast and klarion decided to make it for me" incident

anyway, no friends. ever. he hasn't had that many behavioral problems with his own children, but he knows how angsty they can get at an early age, so he doesn't want other kids influencing you.

this becomes a problem when you start making friends with other villains kids. cheshire will straight up show you a nightclub, while vandal is angrily calling up sportsmaster like "YOU SON OF A BITCH-"

also, he might a good villain, and a good father, but damn he sucks at predicting when other potential father figures try to take you away. fr once darkseid was just pretending to be there on a mission and he was obviously there to get you and ra's was just like "dude hes gonna steal your daughter" and while you were being taken out a window he said, "no he aint"

also, hes really busy sometimes so its kind of easy to escape him. of course, if hes going to be gone longer than 2 weeks he will just bring you with him and say fuck everyone else. once while killing a starro, you were just sitting on the other side of the room eating ice cream like, "bruh i wanna go home"

klarion once gave you a phone and was like "yo get like every social media app you can think of" and then you caused chaos. there was a fight in the cafeteria at ra's al ghul's place? you be your ass you aired it. two villains roasting each other for their tactics? snap it and put it on your story. anything that happens thats batshit crazy or its meme material you have it.

eventually he did find out and was like "why did you give her a phone" and klarion was just "idk man, shes recording darkseid and mongal fighting" and true to his word, they were beating the shit out of each other and you were recording

BONUS:

the "i wanted toast and klarion decided to make it for me" incident happened earlier on almost right after vandal had gotten you. basically, you had found some ingredients for french toast, and being a dumbass, you decided to try and make some to make yourself feel better. so klarion was in the building and saw you trying to make some and he was like "oh yeah, big brother time" and offered to help you. of course, he wanted to try and impress you and all, so he tried to make some fire to toast the bread instead of... putting it in a toaster. he did it, and he started a fire. a grease fire, because he thought that putting oil in a pan would help. so he forgot the one rule of grease fires (btw, if u do have a grease fire, never ever use water to put it out.) and used water. which made the fire bigger obviously. so there you were, sitting at a bar stool, trying to figure out what to do while klarion tried to put it out. so you also had the bright idea of putting water on it, because klarion knows what hes doing, hes not dumb, right? which then made the fire bigger. vandal, at this point, wondering what the noise was, saw you and klarion just trying to put out the fire by blowing on it, or by smacking it with a towel. he got the fire out by putting something over the flames and turning off the heat. of course, damage had been done and the kitchen was halfway burnt, and he banned you from the kitchen without supervision.

yeah, fun times.

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen